ENGLISH HUMOR

Low Bat

 Beni and Betty got tired using cell phones. So they decided to use pigeons to send messages.
One day Beni sent his message to  Betty but Betty saw the pigeon with no message.
So  she visited Beni and said, "The pigeon is without any message."
"Sorry, low bat", Replied Beni.


Tense

One day an English grammar teacher was looking ill. Then the student asked, "What's the matter?"
"Tense", answered the teacher, describing how he felt.
The student paused than continue, "What is the matter? What was the matter? what has been the matter? What might have been the matter?"


Open here

A student, who is studying English as Foreign Language, was confused when he saw the word "Open Here" on a box of laundry soap, so he asks the clerk, "Can I wait until I get home to open it?"


Parent Achievement

Santa and Banta were always boasting of their parent achievements to each other.
Santa: Have you ever heard of the Suez canal?
Banta: Yes, I have.
Santa: Well, my father dug it.
Banta: That's nothing. have you ever heard Dead sea?
Santa: Yes, I have.
Banta: Well, my father killed it.


A Man and a Genie

One day a man meets a genie. the genie tells him he can ask for whatever he wants. But his mother-in-law will get double of what he gets, the man thinks for a moment and say, "Okay, give me a milion dollars and beat me till I'm half dead".


* source: Imam Baehaqi "English Jokes"